dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
