You smell like stripper and shame
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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