"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
