not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
