yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
