We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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