I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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