does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
