Nicole vs. Life
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
