she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So much Jack, so little girl.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
