Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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