Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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