I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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