i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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