U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
