is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
