I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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