My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
