She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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