you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
