names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
