i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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