If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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