So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
