I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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