no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
