I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
