you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
