Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize