i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
