Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
