i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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