ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
