shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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