Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
