dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
In America we eat man semen.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
