i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize