What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
