So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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