I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
