It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
