at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
