At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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