she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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