when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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