Kiss
Puke
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
