and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
