No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
