Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
