You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
