we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize