No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
40s are totally the cure
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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