she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
