I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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