my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
