i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
