smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Pants are for mortals
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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