You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
