She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
