I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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