I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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