why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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