Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
