I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
