left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
