I got chris browned last night
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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