They should really pass out barf bags in church
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
