he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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