My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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