The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
