Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
