how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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