I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
