First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
