oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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